In addition to the traditional generation gap, many families host common phenomena of a troubling relationship between mother and daughter. It becomes particularly intensive during daughter’s teenage period or mother’s menopause due to various mood swings. The fighting might stop, fade away at some moment when their lives separate enough, but it’s far away from being benign. It can last for years, cause serious emotional issues and leave scars for the future life. Common life and growing amount of duties usually cover these issues up, but there are better and healthier ways to try to come to an understanding and establish steady, close relationship between mothers and daughters. These are some of the most useful methods to be applied.
Avoid ignoring and silent treatments
People argue or avoid conversation completely when they fail to find a way to go through a healthy conversation and discussion of the matter. Silent treatment or any other form of “cold war” will only worsen the atmosphere, lead to no resolution of the issue, but cause both Mother and daughter to feel rejected, lonely and frustrated. Give it up without even applying. Open conversation and clean coming should always be the only strategy you aspire to. Maneuvering situation with the adequate words, honest emotions and fair wish to resolve the problem is far better than mental pressuring with silence and pouting.
Improve argument, don’t raise voice
Hysteria, bursting into tears, heavy words and drama all over the place is way too often integrated aspects of fighting between mothers and daughters. Nothing good will ever come out of this. The art of reasonable, calm and mature conversation is the essence of every good relationship. Although it seems quite hard in some moments, having control over strong feelings and affects, watching your language and avoiding harming tone are healing methods. The drama will only exaggerate the whole issue and harm both of you physically and emotionally. And leave you with no better situation. So, always keep in mind wider picture. Be open and strong enough to accept the option of losing the argument and being wrong, but the aim is to resolve the conflict, not to prove the point.
Improve your relationship during peaceful phases
Learning how to cope better with occasional struggling and conflicts should include continuous efforts until the relationship is free from these ugly aspects.
However, improving the whole relationship, becoming closer and more emotionally attached to your daughter or mother and getting to know each other in more subtle manner could be achieved by spending more time together, having deeper conversations and building connection during the days without conflicts. It will prevent or at least soften some potential future disputes and give you both better ground for healthier resolution of the troubling moments.
Spare the rest of the family
To avoid the common situation when fighting between mother and daughter becomes the issue of the whole family and worsens relationships between other members, don’t pull anyone else in a mess. Don’t expect other family members to judge, arbitrate, choose sides and intervene. It will only spread the chaos. Finally, don’t hold grudges. Forgive and try to forget, without pulling dirty moments out of the memory during family meetings and gatherings.