How to raise an unspoiled child?
Parents are facing problems with children when it comes to their socialization and teaching them how to behave. But there are few tips and tricks to overcome those difficulties.
Manners are important
Only three words can make the difference. I love you is one of those words but what we mean are those other three words. “Thank you” and “please.” Even children who are 18 months old can learn the basic things of politeness. It is the perfect time to start because the child starts to make judgments about the value and this is the time to teach him/her to use the word “please” and “thank you”. You may have problems with 2-year-olds because they have the rebel spirit inside them but a 3-year-old can be a child who likes to please its parents with politeness. Usually, they don’t fully understand what those words mean, but you can teach them later. It will become a habit to say these words, so the understanding of them will come later.
The question that we ask so we can remind them is usually “What do you say?”. It might be difficult at first but just remind them over and over and eventually, you will make it. The first thing that comes to your mind is, why can’t they understand what am I doing for them? I clean, cook, shop, etc. Well, the thing is they don’t feel empathy at a certain age. Most of them can’t appreciate the effort you are making for them. So in their eyes, it is a normal thing. It is usually at the age of 10. But we don’t have to wait until then to star teaching some ground rules.
By the way, when you go to the store, stop for a moment and pay attention to what are people saying. You don’t hear thank you or please. They only say “I want that” or “give me that.” We can’t influence other people especially if they are grown-ups, but we can teach our children how to behave. And that is a good start.
Where is the best place to start this practice?
The perfect place and time are at family dinner. There you can teach them manners; you can always correct them or reinforce manners in your children, and of course, you can build a frame for empathy. We do that by giving them a task to help clean up the table or to cook with us or something else. Since you child can see what he/she has, you could easily show them what the word thank you means. They know they have this food and they should always thank you for it because you provided it. In time the child will understand why the word thanks to you and what it means. They will slowly learn who produced that food, who brought it to the market, how mommy cooked it, how daddy served it etc.
Make sure the child or children are listening because all your effort will be in vein if that information is not absorbed well enough.
Every child is unique and has a different set of skills and talents. These things can be seen in the classroom in the school, but there are a lot of children who show themselves in their best light usually after school. Their teachers don’t see much of them, or they aren’t spotted by their teachers just because they didn’t show their special skill in school. So it is very important to have activities with your child such as a music class where you are involved or some martial arts lesson to free and open their minds. Of course, your money doesn’t need to be spent for those activities.
Yes, I am talking about ATM. You can tell your child that, for example, he/she can get only one doll. The next thing you hear is “Mommy can I have both dolls?”. So it is important to teach them that there is no such thing as a free meal or free money. The child feels secure in the family, and that is why you should give him a task to help you with something. For examples, chores are a very popular thing for kids. The child needs to know for example how to put the dishes in the sink or how to clean up the table or whatever chores needs to be done. To teach them the value of a dollar, his/her work needs to be related to money. But instead of money, they will do the job because it needs to be done and the work needs to be shared among the family members. Some experts say that it is a good thing to give them money because they will understand the connection between work and getting paid. It is up to you to choose what is ok with you and how does it fit with your family philosophy.
You could teach the older kids about the budget of the household and the costs. You would see their surprise when you explain to them what are the costs for something to buy or to maintenance. Children don’t know what we pay and what are the costs for some things. It is a good idea to start explaining and introducing the term costs, money, and value. The sooner they understand what these things are, the better it will be for them and their maturity to develop and to grow up according to their age. When they understand what the expenses are, they will be more responsible, and they will know what to do, and you won’t need to ask them to do anything. They will already know what needs to be done.
It doesn’t matter if you know how to cook or you just make a quick meal, the feeling is there. For example, during dinner, you could always ask questions and show interest for your child. This way the child will be more stable as a person knowing that his/her mother and family cares for him/her. It is a good method to give you child a good example of how a family breakfast, lunch or dinner looks like and that this type of gathering is a normal thing for a family. Studies have shown that children who eat at least five meals a week with their parents are less likely to have or develop an eating disorder and will probably have better grades and success in school. It Is very important for a healthy family regarding family relations and normal behavior within the family.
You can watch TV with your child before bedtime, and you should turn it off at least 30 minutes before his/her nap. The same thing is with a cell phone or a tablet. Spend quality time with your child but always make a bedtime schedule because this type of organization is good for their health, and what is a better way to bond with your child than to read a bedtime story, or to watch your favorite movie or a cartoon with your child. It doesn’t matter as long as you are spending those precious moments with your child.
That is important because otherwise, they will not share anything with you, they have to have complete trust in you. Make them feel relaxed completely before you even bring up this topic that way you will get the best results. If you don’t have this kind of relationship with them, start building it first and when you got to a point when they trust you enough you can talk about sex.